No Time For Gamers

All you gamers out there just cut the BS out. Stop playing with people feelings. You say one thing and do another. You cheat, sleep around and tell lies. Why do you do this? Why can't you or aren't you honest with yourself as well as with the other person? No one said that life would be fair, but we do expect to know the rules of the game and the competition. When you are up front and honest about what you do, want to do - no one can blame you. It will be up to the other person to accept your facts, your honesty and move the Hell on. So you gamers out there - just come clean and tell us that you're not interested; that you want to play the field, that you want out; or that you just like to ho-hop. The serious crowd don't have time for gamers - so pack up your chips, your cards, your tokens and get off of our board.

Be Aware of Your Ex(s)

Now that you got a man or woman, be cautious. Your old flame(s) may try to re-enter into your life. He or she will call you regular. They will drop that four letter word on your ears. For those of you that don't know what the four letter word is - it is LOVE. They will tell you how much they love you and want to be with you. They will fill your ear with all kind of love talk, pillow talk, and "we talk". Now that you moved on - they will come on strong trying to see if you are really sincere and have really moved on. You can entertain their conversation if you wish, but you better be cautious. You better be careful not to slip and fall back into their games. Look at it this way, when you were in their lives - WHAT DID THEY DO? Look at it this way, when you were loving them - WHO DID THEY LOVE? DID THEY LOVE YOU BACK? WHAT HAS CHANGED NOW? The only thing that changed is that you have a new beau or girl - and they want in to break it up. So tread with caution when you are dealing with your ex (s). If you move on - keeping moving. Remember your heart break - your hurt and your pain. Remember that you STOPPED the madness, DROPPED their asses, and ROLLED on to a new adventure!

A Man To Love

You've only known him for 30 days, yet it seems like a life time. He's kind, generous, romantic, sweet, considerate, patient, honest, talkative, sincere, loving, affectionate, passionate, manly, gentlemanly, and dont' for get handsome. He opens your door everytime; he holds your hand - always; he watches you with love, eagerness and anticipation; he loves to hold you ever so close; in fact he has taught you how to hold him; he kisses your hand inside and out just because- and to think that you've only known him for such a short time. He asked you about love at first sight. He asked you about being in love is less than 30 days. He said that he would give you his breath so you can live. He said that there isn't anything that he would not do for you. He wants to see you everyday and asks you, "Baby what are we going to do this weekend" or "Baby, what do you want to do this weekend" and he always include your children. Should you love him? Should you keep him? Yes indeed you should open up your heart and let love in. Let the hurt and pain from your past loves float away - dissolve or just disappear. Love the man. Show him that you appreciate his love. So get on with it, girl. I ain't mad at you - just tell me what you did you do or what did you pray to have a man like that to walk into your life and offer up so much of himself to you .

"HE IS A MAN TO LOVE"

Take Your Time - Take It Slow - Make It Count

Take Your Time- Take It Slow - Make It Count was a high school cheer that our cheerleaders shout when we were at the free throw line. As I thought about the words - the same can be said for relationships. When embarking upon a new relationship, you need to "Take Your Time - Take It Slow and Make It Count". Let's think about "Take Your Time" for a minute. What's the rush? You've been by yourself for a period of time - you should be use to it - so what's the rush? Take your time to get to know the other person. Before you start spilling your guts out or sharing your business, Take Your Time! Take Your Time in all areas - meeting your family, children, friends, sharing personal information and definitely intimacy.

"Take It Slow" meant, in terms of basketball, to take a deep breath, take a good look at the basket, to make sure your feet was not on the line, to concentrate and to execute a good fundamental free throw. Take It Slow in a relationship pretty much means the same thing, to take a good look at the person; to inspect and investigate with the right probing questions; make sure that the boundaries are set and that the other person is willing and capable of keeping those boundaries and have a fundamental sound course of action in the first stages of courtship.

The "Make It Count" part of the cheer in basketball means to make the basket and score. In a relationship' Make It Count" means that if you do all you can by taking your time and taking it slow, then those things done and this type of action will give you a better result when you decide that the person is right or not right for you. So to the ladies and gents out there who are embarking upon a New Interest - TAKE YOUR TIME, TAKE IT SLOW AND MAKE IT COUNT

Open Your Heart

You've been talking to him for over three months now. He's committed himself to you and have used the "L" word on several occasions. He is sincere, honest and ensures that he communicates with you no matter what. He's asked you if you feel anything. He wants to know if he is the one that can erase the pain and fill you with joy. He said to you to call him anytime you want to talk, have a need or want something. Just call him first to give him the first opportunity to respond to you before you call another. He consults with you before he makes plans for the weekend or plans to do something without you. He loves to hold you close, hold your hand and touch you ever so lovingly tender. He said that he wants to be your man and your everything. Need the man say more? What else must he say or do to convince you that he's your man? Come on ladies - what are you waiting for? Open up your heart and love the man. Let the past relationships ghosts go. This is your Stop- Drop and Roll to another relationship opportunity - DON'T MISS OUT- OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND LOVE THE MAN!

KIck The Memories Out

We've got enough bad memories of our ex's. We can recall what they did, who they did it with, how they treated us as they did what they did; when they did it and/or how many times they did it. From time to time we, and sometimes, more than we should, we wonder "why they did it" or "why didn't they just tell me", or some other why, how come or why me - as if we are going to miraculous come to a real reason. Come on who are we kidding? Why do we put ourselves through this? We know that we can't explain human behavior, all we can do is accept it and understand what it means to us. For example, if the man or woman is sleeping around with others, the obvious is that he or she doesn't care about you the way you care about him or her. Accept the behavior and move on.

Kick the memories out of your head. They serve no purpose but to taunt you or to hold you captive to the point that you can't release you love for another. Kick the memories out of your head. Kick the memories out of your heart. Let go and let go. Right now declare " That you are free from ill memories of a past love" and every time those memories creep back up ( and they will) immediately, kick them out by thinking of the other person in your life and how much he or she loves you.

Stop The Madness

You found him in the bed with another woman. He's got a baby on the way. You found out that he is living with another woman. He said they were through - but you know better. He took someone else out of town. She drives his car. You went to his house and he wouldn't let you in. You saw the two of them out on the town. She keeps calling your house and hanging up the phone. Stop the damn madness. Is the question why do men do us like this? Or is it, WHY DO WE LET HIM TREAT US LIKE THIS? WHY DO WE HOLD ON TO HIM WHEN WE KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T WANT US? WHY DO SUFFER OVER AND OVER WITH THE SAME "BS"? WHY DON'T WE KICK IS "A" OUT OF OUR LIVES? Is it because we love him? Is it because the sex is so so good? Is it because we don't want to be alone, although we really are?

Whatever it is, ladies we got to cut the bull out, call it like is and move the hell on. You deserve better. I deserve better. We deserve better. But better can't come to us if we keep on holding on to nothing. Stop being a door mat. Stop making excuses for his sorry "A". Stop believing those pack of lies that he muster up when he is caught in his game. Love yourself ladies. Love yourself to the point where you have no more patience or tolerance of the madness. GET MAD AND JUST STOP THE DAMN MADNESS FROM YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HAPPINESS.

Don' Be STUCK ON STUPID

Ladies there comes a time in our lives when you got to stop being STUCK ON STUPID. OK you fell in love and it was rosey and sweet at first. He called you often. Every weekend you had plans and things to do together. He took your out, visited you three times a more a week, introduced you to some of his friends and bought you a couple of middle price goods every now and then. You guys were going at it for awhile - then IT happened. His calls became maybe one or two a week. You saw very little of him. You can't reach him like you use to and he always has to get back with you about the weekend. If he dropped by, it was on a Sunday to see what you cooked or just to say HI!

Ladies, let us not be STUCK ON STUPID. You've got to face the facts even though they are painful - you don't have a man. You fear being alone although you are alone in an alone relationship. Hey ladies tell the no good for nothing ___________(you fill in the blank) to get the ____________ (you fill in the blank) out of your life. The quicker you do this - the less Stupid you will feel in the future and yourself will love you for it later.

Don't Be Afraid to Love Again

Most of us have been hurt at least one time in our relationships. We gave our all. We trusted wholeheartedly. We believe and cared so much. Some of us may have spent years in a relationship waiting for him or her to do the right thing; ask us to marry; or to just return some of the love that we so freely gave. When our hearts were broken - we were crushed and bruised. We cried - our eyes turned read and puffy - we didn't smile - and some of us may have experienced depression. Now that years have past, we guard our hearts. We love, but not like we did before. Is this fair to the other person who wants to love you the way you loved someone else? What if you met your "soul mate" without a doubt, what are you going to do? Do you withhold that deep love that's inside of you or do you muster up enough passion and let it out? I don't know about you, but I liked being in love and when and if or if and when I meet my "soul mate" or new love, I'm going to love again without fear. If we learn to listen to what people are saying to us and line up what is said with actions, we would know if the person is real or not. I've said in other blogs to "inspect what you expect" and this is no small task. If you want to know if he or she is the one, monitor their actions and monitor their words. Don't be afraid to love - just learn to love more carefully the next time.

Is it time for a NEW BEAU?

Ladies will a New Beau do? Are you in a relationship that is going nowhere. You know the kind that keeps you on an emotional roller coaster; a relationship where you've been the only one contributing to it; a relationship that is unfulfilled and not satisfying. Face it ladies, it may be time for a New Beau. You maybe saying to yourself, I just hate to start all over. I'm comfortable with this man. I hate being alone. Or even, he'll come around in a minute. My questions to you are - How long do you have to wait for him to be that person that you need for him to be? How many teary eyed nights will you have before it is enough? How many times will you allow him to do the unthinkable? And the list we both know can go on, but there is no need for this here.

If your current relationship is not working and you know that you have given it your all and all, then shift gears ladies and seek new territory. A fresh new start - a New Beau will work wonders on your emotions, nerves, health and sex life. Allow yourself the opportunity to meet someone new. Give yourself the time to develop a fresh and exciting relationship with a New Beau. No it may not happen in a couple of days or it may take a couple of weeks, but once you've found your NEW BEAU, LOOK OUT NOW - ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL EXCITEMENT will begin.

Gents - for you - Are you ready for a NEW HONEY/? Look for it later today.

Not Me!

I try to tell myself that it's OK - if he didn't choose me. I try to tell myself it's OK - I can get over him. I try to tell myself that a better day is coming and to be patient. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't love him and that I can get along without him. I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter if I wasn't his first and only choice.

Who am I kidding? It hurts like hell that I'm not with him. I'm so distraught over the fact that he isn't around anymore. Stop telling yourself that it's OK. Accept the pain and the reality that you still love the man. Love in all of its beauty can be very painful. This is one of the reason people sometimes shelter themselves from love. They build up a wall and will not allow anyone in their heart. If you are in love with someone and it is not being returned, accept the fact of where you are. Don't try to figure out why your love wasn't returned. Just know that you gave it your all and this was not what the other person wanted. Lesson learned from this experience should be for you not to build a wall around you, but to toughen up a little for the next merry go round of love and when it spins again, be prepared for the ride.

One More Time

Can we go back to the time that we first met. You walked up to me and made small talk about what I was doing. After I answered you, you continued to hang around and finally found the courage to ask me my name. We exchanged names and some personal information, I went my way and you went yours. Later that night you called me and we began to have conversation on a regular basis. Eventually you would take me out and we had a ball and to my surprise you landed a passionate kiss on my lips. As we progressed we both started to feel those funny feelings - you know those feelings of falling in love. We became lovers and really enjoyed each other. However over time something happened and we didn't talk as much. Our time together dwindled down to almost non existence. I would wait for you to call before I would make plans, but the call so awaited for - never came. Weeks would pass and months would go by, our, us, love - where was it? We lost what we had. We gave up on what we wanted. As good as we were, we could not fix the hole. I wanted so dearly for it to happen and you would say, it would surely happen. But it never did.

So here we are today - two people who need one more time. If only we could have one more time back then to fix the problem. One more time to have more conversation. One more time to share intimate moments. One more time to love you and for you to love. Time is priceless especially when you need one more time. Before you and yours end up here, give her, give him one more time.

We are just friends - but we are in love

Can you be just friends when you love someone and he loves you, but for some reason the two of you can't mesh the relationship? In your heart you know that you love the man and you can see the love he has for you when you look into his eyes. Maybe you all have been sexually involved; maybe you all have even tried to hang out together; but for some reason - it just didn't happen. He moves on and you move on. However, when you meet a new person you find yourself not being able to connect because of what's in your heart for the other man. How do we move on? Do we continue to keep that love no matter how small it is? Do we try to stop loving the other person so we can reap the benefits of another person's love? If you have been there or if you are there, let me know what you think.

Who do you choose?

How many of you have been in a relationship where no matter what you loved the man. You know- through thick and thin - you still love the man. Now you don't get here overnight. It takes some time to get to this point and place in love. You see when you are here, you've been with the man over a period of at least three years. The relationship was great at the beginning. You know - you spent weekends together, weeknights he would come by and maybe stay over once or twice a week. The two of you would plan your social functions with the other one in mind. Then gradually your time together slips a away. Just a little you think, then the time gap widens. You begin to notice and try to talk about it, but it is brushed off. Now all of this time you are still loving the man - cookie and all. The gap continues to widen, then you begin to suspect something and if you're one of the lucky ones, you will find out that he has been seeing someone else. As hurtful as this can be, you ask him why. You ask him not to destroy what you all have. You ask him to make a decision - to chose -hoping that he will chose you. Finally the eventful decision is made and you're left out - no answer given. He goes on - but you're still in love with him. Hurt and confused - you still love the man. How could he - but you still love the man. Why did he - but you still love the man. If only he would call - you still love the man.

Have any of you ladies out there been there? What should a woman do in this situation? Some would say that she should face the facts and move on. Others say that there is no decision to make - just get over it. To all of the women who may be in this situation or something similar - if you love someone sometimes you have to free it (him) up, let it (hm) go, so it (he) can find its (his) own love. If it (he) comes back to you, you have just found your jewel. If it (he) doesn't come back, then it was not meant to be.

Skin 2 Skin

Last night I went to bed with thoughts of you on my mind. I closed my eyes and visualize your long sleek bronze body. Your chest, slightly hairy and masculine, close against my back sent ruffles down my body. The feel of your heat and warmth tingled my soul as I turned to face you. I position my leg on your side and stroked you gently on the back of your neck. I could feel your breath hovering over me and our heart beats began to jingle with passion. I took one look at you and quietly smiled with eagerness and excitement as our 2 skins twined. I open my eyes and there you were smiling back at me. I closed my eyes full of joy and floated to another place with you on my mind.

Tough Decision - Day 6

What happened to you on day 6? Did you keep your word and not call him or her? And if he or she called, did you answer the phone? By now you should be really mellowing out about your tough decision. When you hear love songs you will, again, think of those times you shared. You will recall so vividly some of your firsts. You may begin to really appreciated the good times that you had and start to find some reasonable understanding of what happened. You are in a sense coming to terms with what happened and preparing yourself to move on.

If you are still completely distraught over what happened, you really need to allow yourself to cry- to sob, to moan, and finally to pray and ask for help. Sometimes you will need a supernatural power to help you cope with your loss. It's OK - just go on and get it over with or at least started. If it takes more than a day, go for two or more days. When you are done with the sops and tears, cheer up and continue with your calendar counter of how many days you have been able to sustain from having contact with him or her.

Remember, it took time to get into the relationship, or at least it should have, and to fall in love, so it's going to take some time to move on. Just be careful wasting a lot of time in misery when you can be entering a new horizon of blissfulness.

Can Love Keep Us Together?

I've had a relationship with a man whom I simply adored and love, but for some reason I knew we wouldn't stay together long. We would go out, have fun, laugh, dance, have dinner, and oh yes have intimacy. I loved him and he said that he loved me, but for some reason, I knew that we wouldn't stay together. Sometimes he would not call over a period of time and neither would I. You know, kinda of out of sight out of mind, which can be very dangerous if you really want a relationship long term. I don't know if we were both running scared of making a solid commitment or just being plain ole foolish. But the love we shared could not and did not keep us together.

Looking back over the relationship, I think we were not sure of the other person's intention or about what we really wanted. So if you are in a relationship that I have just described, seek out what the real intention is. If you really care and love the other person, let him or her know of your feelings. The only way to determine if Love Can Keep You Together with someone is for both of you to know how much love you have for each other. Don't play a guessing game or a MIA (missing in action game) - if you love - let him or her know. You both deserve to fully enjoy love and all it has to offer - if you will allow love to do her perfect work and keep you two together.

Accept the flowers with joy!

Yesterday I directed a delivery guy carrying a lovely bouquet of flowers. I thought, what a loving gesture, mm, why I don't ever get flowers? Someone must be really special to received flowers, I said to myself. When I got back to my office, I heard myself saying, when someone sent you flowers, you didn't want them because they were not from the man YOU wanted them to be from. Immediately, I remembered. A man by the name of Donald would send me flowers at least once a month, real ones, silk ones - and they would always be roses. All of the ladies in the office would just smile and admire my bouquet each month. His card was unnamed and for a long time I just knew they were from the other man. WRONG!

As the story goes, one day Donald actually brought the flowers to me, I was surprised and sad at the same time. He continued to send them to me, but I was my usual - OK - but no thank you attitude. Not that I said anything to him, but my attitude and disposition were apparent. He eventually stopped and from this day, I've only gotten 2 bouquets delivered to me. This has been over 20 years. WoW- now that's a long time not to have flowers - don't you think so ladies? Well yesterday when I thought about this, I said, "You're right Lord". We always cling to the man that doesn't want us or treat us bad." So forgive me Donald, who is deceased ,for the love you showed me with your kind gestures of sending me flowers.

Ladies, don't make the mistake that I did. If you get flowers from someone, count your blessings, accept them with open arms - enjoy the moment - place those flowers on your desk and gleam with sunshine cause someone thinks that you are really special.

Tough Decision - Day 5

It has not been 4 days since your break up. Remember your decision to walk away to tell you lover to take a hike should have been based on a or some solid factor(s). Factors like he or she has been sleeping around with other people, which is by the way very risky behavior; or something like you found out that they have been dating someone else during your relationship as well; or he or she isn't ready to make a serious commitment - get the picture. The reason I mentioned these examples is for you not to lose your focus when the urge to make up with him or her comes.

(For the post today is Wednesday) The weekend is nearing and you may be dreading being alone and the urge to re-unite with him or her could be very strong. When and if this urge hits you, remain calm, remember how far you have come, remember why you left the person in the first place, and try to keep yourself busy this weekend. Day 4 is preparation for the weekend. Call your friends to see what is going on this weekend. And if you have abandoned your friends while you were in the relationship, like some people do, call your family, cousins, ask you co-workers - What's happening for the weekend?. Try to find something to do and maybe attend a social function where you will meet some new people. Also on day 4 - you may get a phone call - hold to your guns and don't answer the phone or allow contact. Because afterwards, you will be back where you started and starting all over is really hard to do. So don't go for it - Don't allow it to happen if you are really serious about keeping your Tough Decision in tact.

Tough Decision - Day 4

You're doing good. Day 4 has arrived. I know it seems like a life time, but it has only been 24 hours. You should be doing a little better today. Maybe he or she tried to contact you and you prevailed by not picking up the phone. Doesn't that feel good. You are gaining strength to deal with the reality of your Tough Decision. Through out this day you will continue to kinda linger in memories. You will recall when you first met him/her; your first kiss; you will be able to visually see his/her face and you may even smile to yourself. Then all of a sudden, you will open your eyes and just stop the day dreaming. It was good while you were there, but don't linger too long. If you have been keeping a calendar of your successes of not having any contact with him/her, mark off day 3. You have accomplish a lot. You see breaking off with someone you are still attached to emotionally is hard work. It can drain you. So rejoice in your victory and forge a head in day 4.

Day 5 - coming on September 12, 2007.

Where is your patience?

Have patience in what you are believing God for. You know how it is. We go to church and ask God for our mate. But do you know what happens? We have a vivid description of our mate - and someone will come along who fits most of the description. Notice that I said most. Well most is not all and we end up with some half or a fraction of a mate. Sometimes we want that person to be "the " person and we just simply lose all mental abilities to see, our ability to discern, our ability to just know in our heart that this is not the one. You see, a lot of times we put ourselves with people who don't fit, who don't want to fit and for all practical purposes, can't fit, because he or she isn't the one. So when trouble comes we then ask why. Well, think about it. There is no need to wonder why! It is because you were not patient enough to wait your turn, your turn to receive that person that is just right for you. So if you were not prepared to wait it out and take it slow, you can't blame anyone but yourself.

I am of Age, But I am No Cougar!

I read an article on MSN's web page that talked about older women dating younger men. It seems that a survey done by More magazine found that 1/3 of the women (in their survey) over the age of 40, date younger men. Wow, I thought to myself. You know I didn't know until a couple of months of ago what a "Cougar" was ( on by the way a young man informed me). Anyway, when I saw this article, I just had to read it. I guess one definition of a "Cougar"would be older women chasing younger men. Well, I don't do that. I guess another definition of "Cougar" could be, younger men chasing older women, AH HA - Been there, so does that make me a Cougar? I'm not sure, but interesting to me is that most of the men that I've met are younger and some of them were just too young, I mean too young. When this happens, I politely, smile, take the compliment and tip my head the other way. I have had a lot fun with some of young men that I know. However, I prefer a mature older gent. And I know a couple of older gents who have more spunk, fun, energy, and readiness than any young man. Well ladies, it's up to you to choose - but which ever you choose, live, love and laugh - and keep the fire of passion burning.

Tough Decision - Day 3

So you made it to Day 3- Good! Day 3 will be for the most part similar to Day 2. You will still wonder off from time to time. You will still feel the pain in your heart. You will continue to agonize and try to figure out what went wrong. You will replay the current events, the situations of the past, and the what ifs. You will consider calling him or her several times during the day. You will wonder if he or she is thinking about you or even if they have thought about calling you. In some cases, he or she may call, but remember your Tough Decision - this is a break away, this is a Stop, Drop and Roll to a New adventure time. So don't get suckered back into the relationship. Keep your head up, your confidence up, your pride and ego up. During times such as this our pride and ego take a beating. So what ever you do to keep yourself well groomed, looking good, smelling good - keep doing. A heart break is hard, but as long as you have breath - take refuge in Live - Love & Laugh often. Yes laugh often. It releases healing powers throughout your body. And now your feelings and emotions need this power. So again - Live - Love and Laugh a lot.

PS - Tough Decisioin - Day 4 on September 11, 2007

I Don't Like Him Like That

For the women who have a mound of male friends and are lonely, you may need to dig into the mound to find your gem. Am I talking to someone? Do you have a plethora of male friends that you talk to every week; you hang out with them; you attend social functions together; you share intimate topics; you have cried together; and surely you have laughed and had a ton of fun together - but you haven't crossed that bridge yet. When someone ask you about your male friend you are quickly to respond with, "I don't like him like that." Why?

There you are broken hearted, hurt, confused, alone, and needing a lover, companion, someone to hold you, to care for you, someone who wants to be with you, but your mind is stuck on someone else (usually this is the reason). If you would just open your heart and allow one of those gems buried in the mound the opportunity to love you, to become your man, you just might become a woman who has it so good that all she could say is mh mh mh, my, my my - I like it like that.

Tough Decision - Day 2

OK - its has been 2 days since you made that touch decision to leave his "A" alone. So how do you feel? I know at night you are still contemplating if you made the right decision. I know you have picked up the phone at least once and softly put the phone on the base. It's OK girl, this is normal behavior when you are going through a break-up. When you are still and quite, your mind will replay the dialogues the two of you exchanged during the break-up. You will again try to reason why, try to find an understandable reason why he didn't choose you. You will compare yourself with the other woman in an attempt to pinpoint why. Again, girl, it's OK.

During the next few days keep yourself busy. Hang out with the girls, do something that you really have a passion about. Call a friend. Pray. Write down your thoughts if you have too. But whatever you do, don't call him or try to see him. If you do this, it will only set you back in your "moving on" process. Remember to Stop- Drop and Roll to another adventure as soon as you can. My mother use to tell me, "Men are like buses, another one is always on the way!"

PS. Look for Tough Decision - Day 3 on September 10, 2007

It's Your Move

If you see something that you want or interested in - girl you may have to be a little more aggressive. Now, I'm not talking about running after a man or pursuing someone who's not interested in you. But if he has given you the signal or the good ahead - you better get going. Let the man know that you are interested. Let the man know that you are available, and if you're not, Stop - Drop and Roll with the new adventure. Ladies we can't be passive when we want something - especially if it is good to you and for you. Again - tell the man. Call him up, invite him over or go to his place and as Toni Braxton said in one of her songs "Put it on the line - it is do or die". Let him know how you feel. Tell him that you want to take the relationship to the next step, level or playing field. Gee - stopping wishing he would make the next move when you know he is waiting on you to make that daring step. Listen, the next time I get a chance to move - you better believe me that I'm going to take a GIANT STEP!

If You Look Into Your Eyes

What do your eyes tell him or her. Do your eyes say "I Love You" or do your eyes say "I've been hurt by you?" Do your eyes say, " I'm so glad that I met you" or "I hate the day I met you?" Do your eyes say, "I'm yours" or do they say, "I wish I was yours?" If someone looked into your eyes, what story is being told? Which emotion is glaring through? If someone looked into your eyes, will they be able to tell that your heart is broken or will they be able to see that you are vibrant filled with love? Our eyes always tell a story. Our eyes can convey deep messages and emotions that are inside of our hearts and souls. Your eyes can say to your lover, I'll love you forever. And on the other hand your eyes can say to your lover that I'm so hurt over what you did or didn't do. When you look into the eyes of your lover, your mate, your man or your woman, what story is being told and what role did you play in the story that many others can see?

Be Careful and Sure

To us single folks out there, be careful and sure before you leap into that new relationship. I know how it feels to be lonely. If you have children, it's you and the kids at the movies, you and the kids at the mall, you and the kids at the festival, it's you and the kids having dinner and when the kids are hanging out with their friends, it's just YOU! Be there, done that and to some degree, still doing it. Yeah, I've had a relationship or two after my divorce. But I should have inspected what I expected a lot more. Sometimes we get caught up in the moment of having someone around even if he or she is only around for a fraction of the time. Now let's keep it real now, because I am no body's fool.

When you begin a new relationship, take it slow; notice the behavior patterns-you know the ones that you don't like; have dinner or eat together with the person as much as you and let him or her do a lot of the talking -you need to listen because when we eat we let our guards down and the real person will surface - that is if you are smart enough to catch it; pay close attention to those missed dates, times, and visits; is there a pattern; most people repeat patterns - so be fully aware of those patterns and what they (the patterns) are saying to you. If you have to, keep a journal about certain events and situations, review them and you will be able to see (crystal clear) where the other person is coming from. Once you have done all of this, be careful and sure to proceed if what you see is NOT what you want.

If what you see is not what you want - drop the relationship immediately. People generally don't change their behavior -so don't waste your time thinking that he or she will - particularly if they don't see anything wrong and when people have a lot of "game" in them, they don't see it as their problem, but yours. So Stop, Drop and Roll with another adventure.

DO SO!

To experience the fullness of love, you must give of yourself completely. Too many times we fall partially in love. We hold on to past pains and hurts. We remember how it use to be. We don't want to trust or give too much of ourselves. And sometimes because of this partial love, we end up losing all of what we want and that is real love. For example, if you had been in a relationship where you were burned. Although the burn has healed, you still carry a scar that dominates and control your emotions. You are more cautious. You don't want to jump right in and get your soul and emotions wet. You are hesitate to make commitments. You tremble at the thought of loving fully again. The problem with this type of behavior is that you may miss out on one of the most loving and enjoyable love affairs. You may miss the whole spectrum of love, its flavor, its color, its passion, its togetherness and its remarkable recovery mechanism. If you get a chance to love again, DO SO! If you get a chance to be loved - DO SO. DO SO because love is what keeps us going. DO SO because love gives us a reason to live. DO SO because love is what motivates us to dream and make it happen. DO SO because love is the greatest power that God gave us and it is be shared with someone.

A Tough Decision

So you've decided to move on. But do you mean it? Can you keep it? Will you remain strong and ignore the urge to call? Will you be able to not keep watch over the phone in anticipation of a phone call? Will you be able to sleep tonight, tomorrow night and next week? When you make a decision to leave a relationship that's not good for you, even though you love the person, it will be a hard battle from the start sticking to the decision that you made. Days and nights will become longer. You will dread the weekends. You will wonder from time to time in middle of the day or while trying to focus on a task. You will ask yourself repeatedly, why? You will rehearse the scripts you've exchanged or the dialogues that resonate in your ears. You will try to piece the missing elements. You will sometimes not smile as much and you will just hate being alone because you know where your mind will go. A tough decision that had to be made. A tough decision that will cause so much aftermath pain. A tough decision most of us will have to make one day.

Don't fret the decision. Just remember that a month from now, you will be better off. In two or three months, you should be floating. In about 4 to 6 months, you should be smooth sailing and exploring new territories. Yes, a tough decision will cause all of this, but the beauty of it is you will meet that special man or woman in your life that will fill the void and bring much joy and happiness to you, but only if you make that tough decision.

I'm Here, Aren't I?

Being here does not mean that you love the person nor does it mean that you want to be there. Sure my blogs have talked about him or her spending time with you and your not being left alone over the weekends and etc. But just because you are here with me does not mean that you are really "here" with me. Let me explain. What if you are both in the house or living together, but there is no communication? What if you are out having dinner and you have nothing to talk about? What if when you make love, it's just get it and be through? What if one of you is upset or bothered about something and the other person doesn't notice? Relationship is more than just being there. It is about becoming engaged, if you will, in the life of the other person. Relationship is involvement. Relationship is active. Relationship is I have a true and honest concern for you no matter what. Relationship is I'm here in every way, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the joy, the pain, the excitement, the hurt, the growth, the decline, the support, the encouragement, the push, the take, the give, the help, the sorrow, the thanks, and the forgive. Work on your relationship with your mate - be there in every way.

You Know When It Is Over

Why do we linger in a relationship and all of the signs of IT"S OVER are in our face? Why do we continue to believe that just one day, he will realize that I'm the best for him when we know that that's not going to happen? Why do we continue to allow ourselves to be treated badly? I mean just plain ole "I don't want you kind of treatment; he is still seeing the other woman or even he may have left you for the other woman", but we just keep on waiting and hoping. When are we going to wake up from the stupor and come to our senses that IT'S OVER? Ladies, just like Steve Harvey said on his talk show this morning during the "Strawberry Letter" part of his morning show, we've got to stop being STUPID, IGNANT & FOOLISH! Hey, I'm talking to the well educated as well as the women who didn't reach their potential. Somehow we find ourselves in the same predicament regardless of our educational status. Com ' on ladies, let's break the cycle. If your man has left you for another woman, IT'S OVER!. If your man has been dating you and another woman at the same time, IT'S OVER. If your man can't be trusted and you know he can't, IT'S OVER. If your man thinks that he can drop in for a quickie and go back to the other woman, IT'S OVER If your man has gotten the other woman pregnant, IT'S OVER. Ladies, don't let these guys play you like that. Men are predators and will take what ever you will allow them to take and will treat you anyway you will allow them to treat you. So ladies, STOP HIS "BS", KICK HIS "A" OUT OF YOUR LIFE - IT IS OVER !

Your Help Is Needed

Life can be hard. Here you are all grown up. You've earned your degree, you have a decent job, you've got your place, you have your circle of friends, you get invited to functions and socials; but you're lonely. You come home to an empty house, condo or apartment. You cook single serving meals or buy takeouts. Or on the other hand, you come home to a house with children. You try to manage homework, preparing dinner and quality family time. Once the house settles, you are all alone. You sit on the side of your bed, kick off your work shoes. Slowly undress and unwind from the busy day. You think to yourself, where is my help? It is hard doing all of these tasks day in and day out. You've got so many to do lists and things seem to never get done. Where is he? Where is she, for those custodial fathers? Where is your help? Why hasn't he or she participated in your daily or weekly activities at least once or twice a week? Relationship is being there for the other person. Relationship is helping the other person when you can and where you can. Relationship is caring, assisting and doing. Relationship is "I want to help you or here let me do that." Relationship is sharing your time, your resources and your love for the betterment of another. Relationship is "Baby I Got Your Back" and You Can Count On Me". If You Love Me - Relationship says that you will and you can.

Baby girl the hurt will eventually go away

To all the ladies, women, sistas, divas and girls who are broken hearted today, yesterday and now. I know it is hard to believe what he did. I know that it is hard to understand how could someone who say that he love you do what he did. Whether it is sleeping with another woman; making a baby with another woman, living with another woman, spending time with the other and none with you, lying to you over and over again, making decisions to help the other woman 'cause they need help and he has a big heart (BS), having dated another woman and you at the same time. having found him in the bed with another woman once, twice or whatever number and the list I know can go on. I'm here to tell you and well as myself that when a person loves you, their actions will line up with their words. "Love without action is Dead" according to the Bible. We women must understand that a man's action will line up with his words. If He Loves You, then he would not have another woman, be caught sleeping with her, would not make babies, etc. Many times we try to fit him into our lives -knowing that he does not meet the description of "If He Love You". If he really cared - you wouldn't have doubt.

Ladies, including me, we got to be smarter than this. We got to inspect what we expect before we have sex with the man, before we give him the keys to our hearts, before we open up the door and jump right in, before we give him our precious gems, before we call him my man. He is not your man until he has proven the test of "If You Love Me" with the right actions that go along with I Love You. Hurt hearts, broken hearts, or hearts that are going through a healing, let us pray for each other and ask God to see us through this season. Let us become better inspectors of love and let us be diligent in holding on to our "precious gems" until it is time to truly share ourselves with the man who really do love us.

Don't Lose Faith In Love

A lot of my blogs have been about hurt and pain. Being hurt by someone whom you love is hard and sometimes we build a fortress around us and don't want to love again. I had my first heart break when I was a junior in college. And believe me, I am glad it happened then and not now. I was depressed, lost interest in a lot of things and just didn't feel good for weeks. This is normal behavior, just don't stay there.

Love is a good thing. Being love and loving is a good thing. Don't lose faith in love - no matter what happens - life goes on and so should love. The key is to learn from each love experience. Take those lessons learned and apply them. Take those lessons that should not have been learned and burn them. Don't make your new love suffer from past loves. If you have read my blogs you might remember that I say often, inspect what you expect. So before you go and give up too much of yourself and those "precious gems of love" do you homework, do your research, probe and ask the questions and listen for the right answers. Make note of behavior and patterns. Remember you cannot change people and people will do what they what damn please. Don't lose faith in love - he - she has too much to offer.

Don't Sleep On His Door Step

If you are home alone on the weekends and holidays; if he never has time to spend with you except for the quick visits at night or the daytime drop ins; if his phone calls are short and few; if he is always busy; if he doesn't take you out; if he is too tired to do any ting; if he never answers his cell; if he never invites you to his place; if he hasn't taken you to visit his mom and dad; if he misses your birthday; if he doesn't like to go out but always want to rent movies; if he is always going to get back with you when you call; if he always hangs with his buddies; you don't have to sleep on his doorstep to know that he has another woman. Ladies stop making excuses for these types of men. There is no excuse.

If He Loves You, he will spend time, call, visit for more than 30 minutes, take you out, introduce you to his parents, fit you into his schedule, or better yet fit his schedule around you and him, answer his cell and return phone calls, and some. Don't second guess your intuition. Don't second guess the obvious. Save yourself some heartache and pain by calling it like you see it. Move on girl before you give this man your best years waiting for something to manifest that isn't there.

Men - Women Are Different

You think that men would know that we, ladies, have the same tools, but we are all different. Of course the obvious differences are apparent, shape and size. But so are the hotness and tenderness. Men just because your previous girl liked it rough and wild, it doesn't mean that your current lady likes it that way. Some like it dry and some like it extremely wet. Some like a tender baby touch and some like a steel heavy hand. The key men is to talk it out. When you are making love to your lady, you need to communicate - you know talk, you know ask if what you are doing is pleasing. What ever you do, don't assume that you're taking care of business. Ask - please ask us. Women love to hear your low sexy voice, say, "baby am I pleasing you, or baby how is that, baby girl is it good to you". Get the picture. A man who will talk and ask questions to ensure that he is pleasing his woman is a hot commodity. This is a characteristic of a considerate lover. Someone who is concerned about his baby. Someone who wants her to experience the fullness of his love. Someone who will withhold his release to make sure that she has hers - MMMM! that's the kind of man we want and want you to become. So Gents now you have it, what are you going to do?

Teach Your Man How To Love You

Ladies how many of you know your bodies? I'm not just talking about those hot spots. I'm talking about those -this is it don't stop spots? Do you know where these hot spots are? Do you know where to tell your man to hit or how to hit it? Is it a light touch, a quick motion, or hard and griding action? If you don't know, how can you man know? We have to explore our bodies. We have to know what area of our bodies need which type of touch. We should know where we like it and how we like it. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed if you are having trouble in this area. Cause most of us do. We read about the hot and heated passion. We hear about those Big Os and wonder, if only I could just have a Small o.
I'm not a sex therapist, but I do know that if you want to experience some Os you need to know how to please yourself and teach your man how to please you. Buy some books on the subject. Read up on the subject and definitely practice the craft. Once you have mastered a particular pleasurable act, talk to your partner about it. Teach him how to do what you did. Teach him how to hold his hands and how to use his other tools. Practice - practice - have fun and laugh. It is a learning experience. When it doesn't work, try again. If the two of you, and he should be more than willing, continue to work together, eventually, he will take you to the exhilarating cliff!

Let me rub your back baby

When your man comes home and the kids are all tucked away, treat your man to some tender loving care. Take a warm shower, gel down with some creamy and moist body lotion, you know that special expensive kind. After you are done, run the shower for him. Grab that big new bath towel and as he get out of the shower, dry off every inch of him. Lie him down on those 500 plus thread count sheets, oooo so soft and silky, pour some massage lotion in your hands and gently rub your man down. Start with his feet, his legs, his back, his butt, turn him over and begin to circular massage the lotion on his chest, those masculine arms, his strong hands and his groin. Every now and then give him a gentle kiss on his temple, forehead, nose, eyes; close your eyes and just smell the man. Turn down the lights, slip under the cover and feel his body- oh what a good night it is going to be!

Don't sugar foot the truth

There comes a time in a person's life when you just got to cut through the chase and call it like you see. We sugar foot too much around some issues. Keeping it real - sometimes you just got to tell the damn truth about a matter. Let's say you saw your girl's man with another woman, not just one time, but repeatedly. What you gonna do girl? Are you going to fill her in on what's going on or are you going to just sit back let the S happen? I know, it's not your business, but if you're my girl, I want you to tell me. So what if she gets angry, it's OK. She supposed to get angry. What the H! - I wished my college roommate had told me about my man back in the day. Anyway, if you got a friend who is blindly in love with the wrong guy, help a sista out. Don't let her become a statistic - he may be practicing unsafe sex or something - pull your girl to the side, take her out to lunch and kinda drop enough on her so she could read through the lines - in today's world - she deserves to know.

Is He Right For Me?

How many times have we agonized in bed, while driving, at the salon, or just talking with our girls, is he right for me? We rehearse in our minds the what ifs. We talk to ourselves, and sometimes out loud, why, why not and how come. We replay the events to validate he's right for me. We try to find the missing elements to connect to -he is right for me, only to find that there is no connection. We desperately justify in our minds why we are still attached to a man that isn't right for you, me or us. We provide excuses and ignore truths. We make believe and wish it were true. We find ourselves hoping against hope for someone who just isn't right for us. We cry and hurt because we refused to accept the truth. We tell ourselves that it is going to get better only to be faced with yet again - He is not the one. We dread closing the door, but eventually we will muster enough courage to bow out - to leave and let go.

When he said....

When he said that he would never see her (the other woman) again, you thought it was over. When he said that he and her (the other woman) are just friends, you didn't understand. When he said that he want to be with you and start things over, you gave him another chance. When he said she (the other woman) needs his help, you wondered why is he contemplating, If He Loved You!

When he made the decision to extend his helping hand to the other woman, you saw that his words were words only to you- words with no meaning. You saw that he only cared about himself and the other woman. You saw that you have no place in his life and possibly never will. You saw that you can not continue to put your life on hold, your love on standby, and your feelings on not today. You saw that - you saw that- now take what you saw and drop it in your lessons learned box.

The next time, if there is such a time, when he begins to say - STOP him in his tracks, and you say, love is more than an emotion; it is an emotion that compels a person to act on the behalf of another. Your actions towards me have shown me that I am not the receiver of your love; therefore, I can not reciprocate what I haven't received. In other words, I don't love you, it's over!

To Understand Me

To understand me is to spend time with me so you can learn who I really am. To understand me is to share some of my most intimate moments, my hurtful pains, be it emotional, physical or spiritual. To understand me is to become actively engaged in my life and in the lives of my children. To understand me is to talk with me as much as you can or as much as your day would allow so you could get to know my thought pattern, my concerns, my desires, my goals, my plans, my ups and my downs. To understand me is to walk with me, to support me, to inspire me, to lead me if necessary and to teach me what I need to know, if you can. To understand me is to know that I want total honesty from you and I will give to you likewise. To understand me is to allow me to love you and to share my goodness with.

What is your love number?

Here you go again, "I'm not going to call him. I'm not going to put up with your BS. It's over! I don't want to see you again." Here you go again, " I still love you. I want to be with you. Don't leave me." Here you go again, "I'm through with you this time. Don't bother to call me. I will never step foot in this car again." Sounds familiar? How many times will you bounce back and forth? Is it really about the number of times? What is your love number? What is the magical number, if there is such a thing, when you will decide that you have had enough, or when you decided that you just love the man and don't want to live without him, regardless? What is your love number? Whatever the number may be, it only matters to you. Whether it is 1 time or 20 times or more than you want to admit times, it is your love number. The number of times you will break it off and patch it up, break away and come back. The key thing to remember is that it is a good thing to be in love and to be loved. So take a deep breath and count your blessings that you have someone to share your life with and to increase you numbers.

Early Morning Love

I don't know about you, but there is nothing better than early in the morning love. You body has rested from the day before. Your mind is clear. You're already in a slumbering and silky mood. You turn over to your mate and begin to rub his chest. He responds. Wow - look out. Or let's say you just got up around 5:00 am to take your morning shower. You enter into the bedroom and see him lying there. It's a cool crisp fall morning, you slip back in the bed and the warmth of his body soften yours. Wow - look out. What about the early in morning love when the moon is in full bloom. You pull back the curtains and the light from the moon pierces the room just enough to give you that low shimmering glow. You snuggle up close to your man, rub his chest and he responds. Wow-look out. Early morning love - Wow - look out!.

Waitiing In Vain

He said that he was going to call you, but he didn't. He said that he was going to come by tonight, but he didn't. She said that she would meet you there, but she didn't. She said that she would see you tomorrow, but she didn't. Over and over again, you have been promised something from your ""mate" but it didn't materialize. Over and over again, you sit by the phone. You pass up other outings and if you go, you constantly check your cell for that phone call - that was never made. Why do we put ourselves through this? Why do continue to wait in vain? Why do we continue to hope for a different results? We wait and wait. We hope and hope. We wish and wish. We want and want what the other person does not want.

Listen up all of you waiting in vainers - get on with your life. I know how hard it can be, cause I've been there done that. And believe me all you are going to get is more disappointments and more promises that are never delivered. Sometimes you'll get a surprise, that is, they will show up - late and in a hurry.

If the words of your mate can't be trusted, you need to reconsider your relationship. You need to really be hard core and decide to move on. How long have you waited? Count the days, the hours, the times and what have been the excuses? Another lame excuse. Another lack of consideration, love and care for you. Make a decision to cease and desist this annoying behavior - turn the lights out on the relationship (oh by the way, you're in the relationship alone any). Once the lights are turned off, undress, de-stress, slip on a new attitude about yourself, turn on your internal lights, glow and go find the love that you deserve.

Baby Girl or Baby Boy - It is time to move on

We all are full aware of what we want in a mate. And if you don't know, you should write down your wants. For real. You should write down the age range; the educational requirments; the parenthood status; the socio-economic level; the intellectual level; the common straits; the physical straits; your faith preference; their ability to socialize in various circles and other wants and desires that you deem important.

Now why should we do this? Well for starters, too many times we engage ourselves in relationships (over and over again) that do not meet or fit our hierarchy of needs. Sure from the beginning it was great, but it suppose to be 'cause it is all new and fresh. But as you progress forward, the real relationship will begin to suffer or succumb to the real issues of life, but what was the resolve? Did you work it out? Or did you just cave in and accepeted what the verdict was? Because we don't want to be alone we will continue to remain in a relationship that isn't meant for us.

Babygirl or babyboy, if you are in a relationship and it's not working - you have got to move on. If you are in a relationship and your needs are not being met, it is time to move on. Let's just call it like we see it. That's why it is important to write down what you desire or your needs. Don't continue to waste your precious time in a relationship that is going nowhere, vertically or horizontally. Baby girl or baby boy - Move on.

If You Decide To Leave, Don't Go Back!

What would you do if you found out that your mate of several years had been cheating on you? Would you leave? What if you left and over the next weeks, he or she begged you to stay, would you come back? What if your mate never spend time with you and your family (children), but always have time for other people? Would you leave? What would you do if your mate didn't touch bases with you before weekends to see if you wanted to do something and most of the time (45 weekends out of 52 in a calendar year) you were home alone or attending social or family events without him or her? Would you leave? If you look back at the questions, it is apparent that the two of you really don't have a relationship. It takes two people to be if not equally, somewhat equally involved or engaged in the other person's life to technically call it a relationship. In other words, you are the one in a relation with someone else who does not want to be on the ship!

So ladies and gents, if you decided to leave a relationship for a good cause, don't go back! You've heard the saying that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well first, you are not trying to teach anyone anything. Somethings are automatic if that person is truly in love with you. He or she will only be with you and not sleep around with other people. There is no trick here to be learned. Either your mate is an honest and decent person or he/she isn't. Secondly, if a person loves you, he or she will want to spend time with you, your children and mom and dad as well. They would want to share family events together. No tricks here! Who ever heard of a couple only spending 7 out of 52 weekends doing something together or some other low number? Come on - This is not a trick either. The person just doesn't value you and does not want to be with you either.

So I will repeat again, if you leave your mate for a "good cause", DON'T GO BACK. 45 weekends is a lot of time to waste on a fraction of a relationship waiting!