TLC in 2009!

With 2009 just around the corner - are you ready for some TLC? OK ladies and gents, we have almost completed 2008. Lessons learned, heartaches healed, at least for some of us, is it time to thrust ourselves into the arms of a loving man or woman? You know that kind of man or woman that has been around all along while you were hurt, bruised, ignored and not cared for.

For the ladies -You know that man that held you close and patted you gently on your back as you cried over your break up. The one that knows how to cheer you up and would come over with your favorite ice cream. The man that will look you straight in your eyes, hold your face so ever tender and lay a soft kiss on your forehead, each of your cheeks, and your nose and just brush his mouth on yours.

For the gents - that woman that told you that you deserve better when you found out that your lady was kicking with another man. The woman who grabbed your hand, raised it to her mouth and place a warm kiss on it before she left you and said, "I'll call you in the morning to check on you." The woman who inspires you, laughs with you and believes in you. The woman who will look into your eyes and marvel at your masculinity and passion.

So I ask the question again, in 2009 - Are you ready for some loving so ever tender?

Who cares what the people might say - I say go for it - it is your time!

The Comfort of a Woman

Why do so many of us women find ourselves again at the end of the year without a man? All year long, you have waited, wanted and needed, but nothing seem to materialize beyond the casual date, movies, a couple of dinners and phone calls. Even though we may not be ready for the alter, we surely want to feel like he is. Now some of you may be thinking, well this is double standards - not really. You see women want the man to be aggressive. Tell us that you are ready for marriage and let us think it over. Give us plenty attention throughout the year and on those special days, surprise the "H" out of us. Who can say no to such a treat?

Here comes the double talk------

So I ask the question again, why do so many of us women find ourselves again at the end of the year without a man? Is it because we haven't been true to our feelings? Could it be that haven't closed those other love chapters? In order for a man to becomes yours, he needs to know that you are his. Don't be vague about what you want. Women, if you want the comfort of a man, then you have to give him the comfort of a woman.

What's In It For Me?

OK - so you been around awhile. You and he have spent countless hours together. You talk on the phone several times a day. You've met his folks and some of his friends. He has meet your family and your close friends. But for some reason, something is missing or should I say - Not Happening! What's in it for me? You've asked yourself many times over. Is it that he is not your type and just a fill in? Is it that he doesn't push all of your buttons? Or could it be that you are not ready for the steady? Is it that you are looking for something else or you're not looking at all? Whatever it is be darn sure you know before you go. You don't want to make the move too quickly and later realize that HE WAS FOR YOU.

One Year - Now What?

So you've made that full cycle. What has your experience been? You are still talking many times a day, or have you dwindled down? Are you still just as eager to see him or her, or are you dodging the weekends? Is he getting on your nerves? Does she have an annoying habit? Do you kiss each other upon each greeting? Do you hold her hand tenderly? Do you still open the door for her, or is it every man/woman for his self? Does she cook you those delicious meals, or is it to each his own? If you are here, you may want to think again.

Are totally in love and helplessly hers or his? Do you have sleepless nights because he or she isn't there? Do you plan your week around him or her activities? Do you buy him special small gifts? Does he take you to the best dining places in town? Do the two of you communicate with each other, laugh a lot and really enjoy each other's company? If you are here- keep it going!

Cheaters Part 3

Some people say it's best to stay together for the children. Give me a break. When someone is cheating, many times the children are fully aware and hurt as much as the non-cheating parent. Children experience trauma and can actually black out memories. My dad and mother were married for 50 plus years, and yes he had his share of women. Many times I just wanted him to go away and never return. There were seven of us, so my mom, hung in there. But trust me, we all wanted to have peace and I desperately wanted my mom to be happy.

So those of you who are cheating, think about how your behavior affects your children, if you have children. Think of how those children are ashamed, sad and hurt because their mother or daddy is hurt. Think of how your actions will affect their lives as adults - later in life. You know, the Bible says, "You reap what you sow". So don't sow bad seeds for your children to possibly reap one day.

LOVE WHILE YOU CAN!!

Don't be too busy that you miss out on love. You know - you're doing this, running here, and taking care of that. Before you know it, you are a certain age and friendless. Wow what a rude awakening. I was listening to a motivational tape the other day and the speaker said, "Sure you should go after a better life for yourself and family. You should pursue the finer things in life, but not at the expense of your relationships, be it family, wife, friends, or significant other." So you see my friends-there will always be a challenge on how to distribute your time. So chose wisely.

If you are in sales, plug in family appointment times in your calender, PDA or whatever planning tool you use. Take your wife or hubby on a date. Skip a weekend and take a short trip. Take time to love. There are many people in the hospital, in hospice, in the WAR, in jail, who just wished that had spent more time, or could spend some time right now loving and nurturing those relationships. So - LOVE WHILE YOU CAN and HAVE FUN DOING IT!

Cheaters "Ole School - New School"- Part 2

The old school way, the phone rings, you pick up, then you hear a dial tone. The phone rings again, you pick, and again you hear a dial tone.

The new school way - he or she call or text the cell. Cell phones and e-mails have really made it convenient for cheaters to communicate. A cell phone is usually carried and answered by the holder or owner of the phone. Let's take a deeper look at in. Who carries and answers your children's cell phones? They do, not you. Who answers and carries your husband or wife cell? He or she does. So with new technology and password protection, a husband or wife could have another life without you every knowing it, unless you are studying their habits.

Thank you cell phones for creating a secured communications between and for cheaters. What is a committed partner to do? Answers coming soon.
T

Why Get Married, If You Want to Cheat - Part 1

Part 1-Oh there will be more!

Yesterday's topic on the Michael Baisden Show was about men and women cheaters. People were actually calling and announce to the world that they had cheated, was cheated on or in some instances, were contemplating cheating. One lady when asked how did it feel when she return home from being with her lover stated, "At first it is like a rush and later it turns into a relationship". Also it was stated that 60% of men between the ages of 25 and 45 cheat and 40% of the women within the same age range.

Question, why get married, if you want to cheat? Why do people go to the alter, answers all the I Dos and make commitments knowing that you haven't retired your sex organ to one person?

Extra marital affairs hurt people. Extra marital affairs hurt the person that has really committed and the children of those hurt by the affair. So again, why married when you know that you are not settled or mature enough to handle and refuse lust and temptation?

Women, He's In, Now What?

The other day my post titled, "Men If You Want In, Get In" was about men who want to be at the table, in the bed and first on the list, but not fully engaged in their women's lives. I told men to get with the program and GET IN. Well today, this is for the ladies.

Some of you may say, "well, if I lay down with him, then I don't have to do anything else". Well I tend to disagree. Sex is only apart of a relationship and you and I both know that men don't have a problem when it comes to going to the "cookie jar" regardless to whose house it is in. So you see, no matter what you think you got or how good you think your "stuff" is, other women, have the same cookies that your man can get. Now that I have your attention, let me drop a few cookie-dough nuggets at you.

1 - You do have to nurture the man. Yes nurture! Talk to him sweet, touch and rub on him often. Cuddle up just because. Let him put his head in your lap and just stroke his forehead and face. I think I've said enough here.

2 - Be excited to see your man. Show some enthusiasm. Smile and enjoy him. At least you have a man - many of us don't. Also, show some love, ladies!

3 - Cultivate the relationship. Just like you prune and weed a flower garden, you need to tend to your relationship. For example, let's say that you go over and see some dishes in the sink, wash them or put them in the dishwasher. When you are out shopping and you see his favorite cookies, (real cookies) buy him a bag, and don't expect for him to give you your money back. Money issues is the number one cause for divorce, so don't sweat money woes, unless you really have to.

4 - Ladies, hopefully you get the picture. If you want the man in, then you must attract him to want to come in and once he is in, then do you damnest to maintain and keep him in. Women it is now your turn!

Men, If You Want In, Then Get IN!

Gentlemen if you are very alert and aware, you will know what your woman wants. If you guys were to pay attention, you would see the signals or pick up on the messages that a woman is sending. For example, let's say that your woman has her own place, like most of us do. And she has been working in the yard, you know, clearing some brush or just weeding the flower bed. You come by and she gives you a tour of her completed project and points out what needs to be done. And you say something like, "Baby you sure have done a great job" end of story.

The next weekend, your lady is out there again working in her yard and you call. She quickly informs you what she is doing and all you say is, "you're still in that yard". How in the "H" do you think that you're going to get a home cook meal, dessert and a dip in the "cookie jar"? Men if you want in, then get in! Get with the program. If I were a man, there is no way in "H" I would allow my lady to do yard work, especially in the spring time, fall and not be by her side. As a matter of fact, I would say, "Girl, I'm on my way with my rake, blower, some water, and muscle". Do you need anything from Home Depot or Lowe's before I come"?

AGAIN GENTS (short for gentlemen), If you want into heart, into her life, into her world and into her love, GET IN! IT IS ON YOU!

Wrinkled Covers

There is nothing better than a slow misty rain on a cool fall evening with just a little moonlight coming through thick quilt-like curtains all curled up and snuggled close to your lover. As you lay on his chest, his heart beats soothe your mind. His body heat relaxes your thoughts and you drift off. Half awake and half asleep, the two of you begin to caress each other. With every touch, a sensation rushes down you back, down your legs and up again. You catch a glimpse of him in the shadow and his strength stands out. You stare into his eyes and a small tear forms in the corner of yours, all you ever wanted is right there for you to receive. You rub your hands over his body as the two of you come from under the wrinkled covers. While there, you remember, it is times like these that makes love a wonderful treasure!

LADIES ENJOY YOUR MAN TONIGHT! I AIN'T MAD AT YA!

Tend 2 Your Man, Girl!

Having been divorced, by choice, for 10 years, I now know the mistakes that I made. Women we have a powerful arsenal and we need to know how, when and how often to use it. Many times we are so caught up in the hustle of wifey/mommy issues, we tend to let the "bad girl" go. Just like the saying goes, " we got to keep doing what we did to get him to keep him". I remember on sunny beautiful days, my man and I would be closed up in his place or mine for hours, and we were not watching TV! I couldn't wait to see him and at times, I had trouble going to sleep without him.

The marriage came and shortly after that, the first baby. All of a sudden, I was short on time and talent, by the way, a talent that would bring two additional children into our lives. Now I was really stressed for time and did not give a damn about the talent. For those of you are clueless about the talent - I'm talking about my ability to please the man in the bed; the ability and yeah, the agility to go at it and at it. So no action really led to no action - divorced and much wiser now, I now know ladies that you got to Tend 2 Your Man. Let the dishes go. Forsake the laundry. Who cares if the kitchen floor needs a little mopping, just walk over the little dirt, open up the fridge and get the whip cream.

Slow Down & Sped Up

How can a woman slow down her man? Sure he is touching you in all of the right places. Your eyes are closed, your mind relaxed or fantasizing, your body is responding, but you are not quite there yet. You know - you want the excitement to build. You want the anticipation to climb. Your heart and pulse rates increase. You begin to breath a little different. You' re tingly all over, but not quite there yet. How do you slow him down? He wants in, but you want more "take me to the edge" action. He wants in - you give in, and before you know it, it's over.

How can you slow your man down? Well for starters, take the lead. Be the aggressor and not the victim of his aggression. You control the play, the timing and the positioning. And let in, when you are ready. Tease your man, talk to your man, play with your man and when he thinks it's time, tease him some more. He'll join in and follow your lead. When you are ready, guide him to the cookie jar, if he hasn't open the lid already. But if he has, let him set the sped and all you have to do is to keep up.

To Each His Own

Stop the sharing. You need to choose which one you want to be with and work that relationship. It is never greener on the other side; and there are weeds in both yards. I listen to people calling in on the radio station 102.5 FM (Grown Folks Radio) most mornings on my way to work. The number one discussion is someone having relationships with more than one person. You know the usual, he-she mess or the she-he. I say when there are two men and one woman, the woman is the problem. And of course, when a man is splitting two oaks, the man is the problem. We all know people who either splitting two oaks, or got two or more hands in the cookie jar.

The other day I read about a woman whose roommate had slept with her boyfriend. She and her boyfriend broke up and now the boyfriend comes over almost every night to see his new girlfriend, which is still, by the way, her roommate. How painful this must be to hear your ex and your roommate going at it at all times of the day or night. The advice to her was to see if she could break the lease and move on. If not, then try to sublease her lease.

Cheating has been around for ages and it sure isn’t going anywhere. But at least have the common decency to let the misfortune or fortunate person know that you want to play the field. By doing so, each can have his/her own. If you want out, get out. And on the other hand , if you don’t want him or her to go, let them go anyway and save yourself some grief, pain and suffering down the road. There is someone out there that wants what you want, but they can’t stumble across you, if you are still holding on to someone that’s not worth it.

Say -- I Love You

What do you do that says, "I Love You?" How do you let your man know that you love him? Is he starved for love? Is he wishing and waiting on you to make that first love gesture? When you look into his eyes, do you look right at him or do you take a glance and stare away? Do you take his hand and lift it to your face and gently kiss it with soft moist lips? Do you rub his back, his shoulders, his neck and run your fingers through his hair? And for the bald gents, do you rub his head with your nose or kiss every inch with your lips? Do you unbutton his shirt as you lay and rub his chest or manhood with melting thoughts of what’s to come? Do you motion for him to change positions with a touch of your hand as the two of you embrace passionately? Do you watch him strut across the room and smile to yourself with a sense of AHH? Do you cuddle with him while he’s watching his favorite movie? How do you show your man that he is loved? After all, it is what you do and not what you say . It is how you do it, how regular you do it and most of all the love of doing it. So ladies, how do you say to your man, I Love You?

Meet Him In the Dark Again!

OK, so you have decided to give up some honey. Should it be a quickie? Should it be at your place or his? Do you need to plan an intimate evening, you know, dinner, candlelight, a fine wine, some soft music? But what happens when you decide to give up the "cookie" and to your disappointment, it’s not what it was cranked up to be? Then what? Have you thought about this? How will you handle the disappointment? Will you let him go back to the "cookie jar" again? Were the two of you kinda premature and not really ready for the feat? Do you talk about it? Do you talk again ever? Do you call it quits and move on?

Sure, the chemistry was there. Of course you were hot and steamy. But what happened? Maybe the anticipation was bigger than the bite. Maybe the two of you were too hyped to connect. Maybe your mind was on someone else. There are could be many reasons why it didn’t happened. But before you throw away what still could be the best thing for you, talk about it. Talk openly and freely about what happened or didn’t. Discuss how the two of you can make it better for each other. If need be, explore your bodies with the lights on and show your man how to make your toes curl, then turn off the lights and meet him in the dark again!

What's the Deal?

Have you taken that plunge in your mate? You’ve been dating seeing each other for 6 months now. He feels good. He looks good. He has been good to you. He calls you at least three times a day. You talk before you go to bed. He is the first person you talk to when you get to work. Through out the day, the two of you share little drop in calls to just say HI. He adores your children (if you have some). You’ve met his family and they have embraced you. You’ve met most of his friends and they too embrace you. You have gone to many dinners, movies and other places together. Are you guys a couple yet? Are you ready for the plunge? He holds you close, raises your hand and kisses it ever so tender. He loves to curl up next to you and just rub his fingers through your hair. Many times he has begun to discuss the permanent language - but you are standoffish. You are disengaged. At times you seem to like what he is putting down, then you go off and wonder - nall this can’t be. I say go with the flow. I say "WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?

All of this GOODNESS is staring you in the face - What are you going to do? Either you do or you don’t want this treasure. If you don’t want this treasure, then stop taking the gems. But if you do want this treasure, get in the chest and let the diamonds sparkle. You know women are always looking for a new diamond - be careful, don’t let them find yours!

Ain't Happening

You’ve known him for 6 months now. Sure he is nice, but something is just not clicking. Could it be that you’re not over your last lover? Is it that you’re just not attracted romantically? From the beginning, it felt good. You would snuggle up next to him on the sofa and watch movies together. You would embrace slow intimate kisses. He would touch your body and at times sensations would ripple through your mind and body. Now you don’t want to kiss. You only give him that friendly church hug. For some reason, your mind has not settled on him. As the relationship continues you begin to notice that in many areas you and he have some big differences. Well my friend if this is you, you may need to find a New Adventure. When things aren’t meshing within 6 months, they probably will not mesh at all. Those differences are going to get bigger. Plus, you need to really evaluate yourself and your feelings to determine why you aren’t there yet!

Both of you deserve to have complete relationships - so don’t be afraid to move on. Sure you may be alone for a while or even for a period of time that you don’t want to be alone. But eventually you will embark upon a New Adventure - just don’t make the mistake of staying in one place too long before you realize that it AIN’T HAPPENING!

Should You Go?

Should you go back to a man that has cheated on you? Should you go back to a man that says that he loves you, didn't mean to hurt you, and just want to show you that he can be the man for you? He cheated. He lied. He wasn't there. Should you go back? Before you make a decision to go back, let's explore the what ifs. What if the shoe was on the other foot, would he take you back? What if you still love him, but don't trust him? What if he just want to spend some time with you cause he in between? What if he isn't sure of what he wants and just want to something to keep him steady, only for a moment? What if he or she hasn't matured to the point to stick with it no matter what? What if he or she still have roaming eyes a wild spirit? What is you have meet someone else who adores your, pushes all the right buttons, and whom you have begun to be very fond of or love?
Well, after you have answered these questions - I think the answer will be crystal clear. Sure the familiar is always nice and one would like to think that he or she has changed, but why risk what you have conquered with someone who didn't give a "damn" earlier. I say, Don't go back. You've moved on to a new adventure. Chalk it up and keep on erasing.

Say That

You say that you still love me -how do I know - you still live with another woman. You say that you don't love her, as a matter of fact, you told her that she got to go - yet another month and she is still there. You say that you want to spend some time with me, not just bump n grind time, but some real time. How can I spend time with you and when it's over - you're going to sleep in the bed with another woman? If any one can relate to this type of talk - let me hear from you. What's wrong with this type of thinking and this type of talk? Why don't people just keep it real - life is about choices and he or she did not chose you. Sure we cried, got mad, wanted to fight and cried some more, but we got over it. So why do they still call us with all of this BS? Is it because we entertain it? Is it because we don't have a crisp answer? For whatever reason, I say say this to SAY THAT - "Love is more than a notion and I don't have a portion to give to you- so keep it moving" and hang up the phone or slam the door in his/her face.

Remember

It's time for love- your mind is ready, your body is aching, but he can't be found. You call him on his cell, you try his home - he can't be found. You go home and look at yourself in the mirror - you sit on the bed and begin to visualize his masculine hard and soft body next to yours; you fall back on you bed and close your eyes - you can feel his breath and his sweet strength on top of you - you begin to smile inside only to find that he can't be found. You open your eyes and stare at the ceiling and wonder what, why and where - What is he doing? Why isn't he with you? And where can he be? Your mind stops in mid stream and then you remember how come you are alone - Remember he couldn't be found - remember he was never there - and remember he didn't even know you - he didn't know the "real" you - when you would make love, it was his love and not yours and his. When you would make love, it was his release and your moan to be released. Remember!